A Merging of Interests

By Cecil "Zeke" Yount | Mar 09, 2017

I was sitting on the front porch the other day enjoying this early spring warm weather with my good buddy Jeff. It was so nice no one would have blamed us for just snoozing off and enjoying a cat nap.

My bud is a sometime cyclist, who has over the past months developed a new interest in his life. Thus, the merging of interests. (Readers’ Note: this probably isn’t going where you think.)

Jeff recently completed a very good Concealed Carry class at the new indoor Mountain Range. Jeff didn’t quite clarify if he purchased a handgun because the Great Narcissist was elected or out of fear he wouldn’t be elected. That isn’t germane to this discussion either way.

To no one’s great surprise, the fashion industry has responded to the increased demand for handguns and ways to conceal them. In the Concealed Carry class, the instructor provided some information for those fashionistas among Jeff’s classmates. He told me about the standard pants/shirts combos but then got into the more concealed clothing apparel that is being adapted to concealed carry guns. Jeff reported on bras for women that hold handguns and the ever popular “tighty whitey” for men that includes a built in holster. Yes, I know, some interesting images and outcomes spring to mind.

So, Jeff, now a legal Concealed Carry Cyclist (CCC?), is trying to merge his new interest associated with guns and his long time interest with cycling. He reported trying to attach his existing gun and holster to his spandex riding outfit but quickly discovered that spandex and the weight of a handgun aren’t a good match as the weaponry tends to pull down the spandex providing more of a glimpse of Jeff than anyone needs to see. This was also true when trying a mid-back carry, which resulted in an exaggerated “plumbers look”, again not for the squeamish public. Plus, the gun kept getting caught in the rear wheel.

His next attempt at merging his interests was to try an ankle holster but that created a situation where he had to match the up motion of the pedal in order to reach the gun and draw it. This had the unacceptable consequence of creating a dangerous wobble when riding the bike. It also made aiming the gun quite unpredictable.

Jeff continues to experiment with merging his interests and he may very likely be seen on the roads of Haywood County struggling with sagging spandex. Anyone tempted to chunk another empty beer bottle at ‘Ol Jeff best be warned. While the odds of actually being shot are probably minimal, they just might get blinded by what that sagging spandex is supposed to hide.


For more information, visit www.bicyclehaywoodnc.org . You can also send email to gr8smokieszeke@gmail.com.