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Raindrops keep falling on my head

By Paul Viau | Aug 28, 2013
Photo by: File photo ENOUGH IS ENOUGH — Let's all celebrate a change in weather with a little dry humor.

During my youth, I had the privilege of serving the country in the U.S. Air Force as a weather observer. I was such a standout in my 17-week technical training at Chanute AFB in Rantoul, Illinois, that after graduation I was sent straight to upper Michigan — during the winter — to see if I could spot any snow.

That winter I saw snowflakes, snow pellets, snow grains, and so much lake effect snow, that it started to affect me.

I made a snowman in the barracks. Snow angels in the parking lot and I even drove a perfectly good Chevrolet Impala well out on Lake Huron to go ice fishing.

That’s the trouble with weather — too much of the same thing drives you crazy.

Take our current rainy weather pattern, for instance. We’ve had so much rain that local government officials should consider changing names of their communities to capitalize on our good fortune. My wife and I have come up with a few suggestions.

The town of Waynesville could change their name to Rainsville. Maggie Valley could be Saggy Valley. Sandy Mush could be just plain Mush. Laurel Ridge could be Laurel Squidge.

Frog Level is rapidly becoming Frog Pond. Hazelwood could be called Driftwood. Water Rock Knob could soon be Just-Barely-Above-Water Rock Knob. Mile marker No. 7 on I-40 could be properly named, once and for all — Sliding  Rock.

The town of Clyde could change their name to Tide, but there are so many ex-Florida residents, that they might also consider the name Stiltsville.

Here are a few more good name changes. Swannanoa could be Swanna-Noah.

Bethel could be Vessel. Lake Logan could (and is fast becoming) Great Lake Logan.

Instead of Beaverdam what about Beaver-Dam that Bucket. How ‘bout changing Fines Creek to Fines Some Higher Ground?

Pisgah National Forest could be Pisgah National Pool and Spa. Looking Glass Falls could be Looking Glass Lagoon and Richland Creek could be renamed Richland Rapids.

Our beloved Canton could be Mill Pond. Leicester could be Wetser. Jonathan Valley could be Jonathan Gorge. Looking ahead to better weather, Hot Springs could be renamed Hope Springs.

Looking beyond our local area, perhaps the U.S.A. could change national anthems and use Carole King’s great, “I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain.” That’s about all I’ve seen on the news and weather lately.

Meanwhile, my golf clubs and motorcycle have mold growing on them. My motorcycle is so lonely, that she wants a garage-mate to do some Bonding.

More on that subject, soon.

In the meantime, I hope all this rain doesn’t portend a colorless leaf season. The last thing we need is an empty parking on the Blue Ridge Parkway at the recently re-named Graveyard Swamp.

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