The Language of Pets
Sometimes I have the hardest time getting my staff to understand me. I have talked this problem over with my friends and they too seem to have the same problem. I love my staff but sometimes they love on me when I want food and then give me food when I want some love. They will stand there holding the door open for me and saying “come on …. let’s go …. are you coming?”, if they understood me they could see that I am testing them (hehehe). Yes I have to admit that sometimes I like to play with my staff. I mean, it keeps things fun …. well at least for me.
So after talking with both my canine and feline friends we decided to help out our human family. We compiled a list of meanings: what words mean to us and what some of our actions mean.
A Cat’s Definition:
Dog: a cat’s device for running practice
Door: something a cat always wants to be on the other side of
Energy: the element cats always seem to have an oversupply of until you try to play with them
Human: an automatic door opener, feeder, and scratching post
Yawn: a cat’s honest opinion
The Laws of Cat:
A cat at rest will stay at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force.
All dark colored clothing will attract cat hair.
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
No rug will remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
A cat’s resistance varies in proportion to a human’s desire for them to do something.
A cat’s desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
A Dog’s Definition:
Leash: a strap that attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go
Drool: a liquid that when combined with sad eyes, forces humans to give you their food.
Sniff: a social custom used to greet other dogs, similar to the human exchange of business cards
Wastebasket: a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes and old candy wrappers.
Bumping: the best way to get your human’s attention when they are drinking from a full glass
The Laws of the Dog:
If it’s not wet and sloppy, it’s not a real kiss.
If it’s in my mouth, it’s mine.
When you do something wrong, always try to blame it on someone else, while at the same time acting innocent.
If I’m chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you’ll get what you want.
Always give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the crotch is most effective.
I highly recommend printing a copy of these for all your friends and family members. I am thinking of handing this out at our next office wide meeting.
Till next time,