Working Towards a Better Me
I am, and will be, who I make myself to become.
All of my life, but especially lately, I've had an array of voices telling me who I should be, or what I should do. Even worse when it's said without an option, what I will be. But it is only I who will chose who I am, and will live out that life.
Last year at about this time I was tossing aside New Years resolutions as something of the past. Something that shouldn't be paid terribly much attention to. It would set us up for standards that we knew we wouldn't keep, and then allow us the disappointment. Although I still thoroughly agree with that, I've came to the decision that perhaps I should widen my perspective on this, as I'm sure, some very well disciplined people did in fact come through with their 2012 resolutions. For that, I salute you. With a year past, and a years worth of new insight, I've come to see that there is not a thing wrong with deciding to set a goal to change yourself for the better, something that we should all strive to do. And what better time to start then at the beginning of a fresh, new year?
There are a lot of things that I've decided I will work harder at this year, some trivial, some not, all I felt like I should keep in check until 2014 rolls around and I change my mind again. One of the biggest resolutions, goals, that I have set for myself for this new year is to simply be happy. Not just temporary joy, but real, true happiness. Happiness in my life must start with these things:
Stop allowing blame for my faults to fall on other people, or inanimate objects. Confront those that I have a problem with and not direct any feelings undeserving to anyone else. Make more friends, start much less fights, and end peacefully any that do occur. Think logically always before speaking. Laugh more, cry less. Dress in a way that will make me feel beautiful every day, even if it's not extraordinary. Be more confident with who I am as a whole: my body, my mind, and everything that I am. Spend more time reading, and writing; especially writing. Become a better writer, and have more confidence in myself with that. Did I say confidence? Okay, so double that. Find out what it is that makes me really happy, and do it, everyday. Accept who I am, the past and the present. And mostly, decide on who I want to be.
All those things, from dressing myself from day to day, to self actualization. Maybe I won't discover it all this year, or maybe who I want to be will change again and again. But the important thing is to be happy and by that I realize now that I must eliminate all the doubt I've got in myself. Because what is there to doubt? I'm not the best anything, that's for sure. I want to be though, I want to be the best that I can be, and continue finding what that particularly is every single year. I want to learn more, discover interesting things, go on excursions that only I and my mind can go on, and love and enjoy the little things, while I have them.
I'm so petrified of taking my life for granted, and I see all these people who haven't, but I also see those who have. I want to be that. I want to grow old, slowly, wonderfully, and gracefully. I don't want to close my eyes only to open them a second later to see that all my life has gone by and I haven't enjoyed it like I should have. I want to come to the ancient age where I look back on what my life was, and who I allowed myself to become, and I want to feel proud. I want to be proud of everything I have done. I want to know that nothing was wasted and I had made an impact on at least one persons life. I want to know that I loved fully, and was truly and fully loved back. I want my life to be full, and I want to be lying there on the brink of life, and be completely, and utterly content.
As I said, I've heard everything of what I am, and who I should be. But this year is the year that I stop allowing people to tell me. Stop allowing judgement to affect who I desire to be, and just live. No longer will I listen to those voices who are telling, and not listening. I will be the author of my life. I will tell them. 2013 is the year I will be a better me.
I want to add, thank you to the people who have inspired me. You know who you are. And thank you to who ever you are reading my blogs as inconsistent as they are. Thank you all.
If you've got any feed back, questions, comments, or anything else, my email is: firstname.lastname@example.org